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Let's talk about Grief

I recently had a friend that lost someone very close to her through an unfortunate decision. I'll not name any names, but you know who you are, my lovely raven beauty!


Anyhoo, this has me thinking of death lately and all of the loved ones that I've lost in my life. (sadly, most have been from overdosing.) I'm not obsessed with death, but anyone that knows me, knows I LOVE hanging out a great, creepy cemetery! Not because I'm some witchy/weird/don't give a fuck kind of girl.... because I am. But because there's a calmness about it. Seriously, ask any of my kids. One of our favorite pat times was to do grave rubbings.


If you're not familiar with this, it's a old Victorian past time of using tracing paper to capture the amazing sculptures and designs preserved on grave stones. We would use them to create cards, drawing and anything else we could think of. Personally, I always felt it was a way to honor and preserve those that have passed.


Back to my friend. I recently was visiting with her, and she had expressed to me that some people in the community we live in were saying things to her and about her as far as her grieving process goes. Basically they were passing judgement on her about whether or not she was grieving "correctly".... according their standards.


WTF! Who are these people to say that anyone should be grieving in a certain manner!


Does that mean that if I lose someone close to me, that I should shroud myself in black for at least 2 years and cry on a whim at the mere mention of my the passers name? All for the sake of proving to others that I did in fact have feelings for this person?


That's bullshit!


As mentioned earlier, I unfortunately, have lost many that were very close to me.


Everyone, has their own grieving process. I personally, laugh at funerals. Not out of disrespect. But it's a nervous, coping mechanism for me. Does that mean I didn't care for the person? NO!


My best friend, Dillon, whom I knew and got to enjoy for over 18 years died. My first response to his death, was, "what an asshole!" If you knew Dillon, this wasn't a surprise response! He was an amazing person with the best, most caring energy. But... he was also known for not making the best choices in life.


Death is a part of life. It's something we will ALL experience. And part of life, is experiencing the loss of loved ones.


Learning how you experience the loss of a loved one is getting to know yourself on an intimate level. We all can say, "Oh this is how I would react or feel." But ultimately, you don't know how you would react or feel until it has personally happened to you.


In this sense, I suppose, death is about getting closer to who you really are and being okay with that. It's certainly, not about passing judgement on someone that has recently lost a love one.


The next time you lose a loved one... and it will happen. life is inevitable. Cry, scream, laugh, call them an asshole. But please understand that we all process this in our own way. Please don't pass judgement, if someone isn't grieving in the way "you think" they should.


This is your time to show compassion to another fellow human being. Just be there for them, listen with an open heart. Let them grieve how it feels best for them.


Grieving the death of anything is being as real and raw as it gets. Be it a loved one, a failed relationship, a pet or even a project you've poured your heart into.


It's a personal thing.


So keep your judgements out of it. Let it be personal for you AND especially for others.


How you do ONE thing is how you DO ALL things!

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